Walls

Will it keep them out.  The last time I checked people can be climbing, tunneling to get in.  I lived in Florida.  They came by boat.  They came by airplanes.   I 95 was the opioid highway for drugs. Polk county had lots of meth labs.  White people running amok.

The bigger issue is why are we so afraid of people from other places.  Unless we are native American, our family did not come from here.  We are all from somewhere else.  Every generation had their immigrants that no one liked.  My great great Grandfather James Doyle came here from Kerry Ireland. He did not have the money for passage.  He was in his early 20’s.  It is rumored that he and another male relative hid on the ship to get here during the potato famine.  He was found and worked his way for passage. He went through Ellis Island.  He tried to get work in New York and the signs in the windows said no dogs, no niggers, no Irish.  He ended up in Virginia.  He married a local girl and had 8 children.  His obituary said that he had an Irish brogue until the day he died.

The Titanic was another example of how certain people were not getting first crack at getting on the boats, because some people think they are more deserving than other people based on superficial criteria: race, gender, wealth, religion, ethnicity.

Now it is Hispanics and Arabs that we are terrified of.  We have white people calling the cops on black people doing ordinary things.  Why are we so afraid?  The rash of mass shootings have been by white males of a certain age with big guns.  What are we doing to address this?  Nothing.  Why?  Because we don’t think it is a systemic problem if they look like us.  We don’t want to think that people that look like us can do such heinous things.

We build a wall and think we are safe.  Were we safe on 911?  Were we safe at Pearl Harbor?  Walls and guns don’t make us safe.  They give us a false sense of security.  Understanding your fellow man, learning about other cultures, helping your neighbor, trusting in God makes you safe. We build the wall and brown people still come here.  Then what? What will make us feel safe?

I don’t want to be on the phone and some black person thinks I am calling the police on them.  I don’ t want children of other races to not look me in the eye because they don’t want to upset me.  I don’t want people to think I am racist, because I am a white female over the age of 50.  How do we bridge the gap of understanding between cultures?

How do we feel safe with each other?

Trump fever or furor

One of the first things I do before I take a job is research the company.  High turnover is usually a sign to not go there to work.  It is a sign of chaos and problems with management.  People have mixed feelings about Trumps constant personnel shift.  Some feel that it is a sign of strength to get rid of bad people quickly.  Others think he is too difficult to work with.

Trump wants loyalty.  I would want loyalty in my company too.  I am in the process of hiring as well.  But I would want my employees to trust me that if they feel I am wrong that they can come to me without a fear of retailiation.  No person is right or wrong all the time.

Many people said to give him a chance and some time to settle in.  Most places I have worked that is 90 days.  It has been past 90 days.  I realize that transitioning from the private sector where you did not have to deal with congress or the senate or the courts will be challenging.  A CEO is not used to being questioned.  But the Presidency is different.  Companies can go bankrupt.  The united states can’t bankrupt and start over. Our founding Fathers created checks and balances to avoid one person having absolute power over any one branch of government, like monarchies.

I have never seen so much protesting in any presidency since Johnson and vietnam.  Those protests were to stop the war and not really about Johnson as a person.  We now are told not to trust the media, protestors are being paid and just read Trumps tweets and all is well.

I have skin in the game.  If my patients lose health care, I do not have patients and I close down.  I have two daughters with pre existing conditions.  I have pre existing conditions.  My husband has been in the Navy hospital for almost a month.  I am grateful.  His care has been excellent and it hasn’t cost us anything.  I have the same arrangement as his wife. I want this quality of care for everyone.  We pay premiums for our health care.

I hear repeal and replace, but no clear option.  Most people with pre existing conditions need insurance.  Your health can change at any time.  I was first denied health care insurance in 1996 due to a thyroid condition treated and managed well with medication.  I had to keep a job with insurance or i was in trouble.  My children were at one point on Medicaid.  My late husband used the VA.  I have been on four different insurance plans that denied procedures, medications, orthodics, etc.  They previous Obama system was not great- admit it.  Obama care has flaws.  But the real problem is greed.  Insurance companies are in business to make a profit and they should.  But how much money does a CEO need to make, what is fair compensation.

As a provider I am paid anywhere from 30 to 86 dollars for the same service.  Some patients pay nothing, others from 15.00 to 45.00 a co-pay. Some have deductibles some do not.  No wonder people are confused.  They blame the high costs on the government.  The government can only regulate so much.  Companies pull out of states they don’t make a profit in making less choice for care.  Allowing people to be excluded due to preexisting conditions gives them no choice.

What is the answer?  I am no expert, but I have been a patient, a provider, and have had to deal with accidents and medical surgeries.  I have worked with about 10 insurance companies and Medicaid.

My health care plan

A.) Eligible for Medicare at age 55, option to enroll or not.  This is when most medical conditions start happening.

B.) All insurance companies must cover pre existing conditions and can only charge 10% more than healthy people premiums. This way they can make some profit.

C.) Raise the income level for Medicaid and include people without children that are working. More people will qualify and won’t have to quit their job or have a kid to get medical care.

D.) Tax credits for companies that provide health insurance. Incentives for them to provide it.

.E.) Lower the tax credit to any bills exceeding 3 % of someones income. This will offset some of the costs that insurance doesn’t cover.  Include massage, accupunture, over the counter medications, etc.

F.) Cap deductibles at 1000.00. This will keep a hospital stay from being too costly.

G.) Subsidize any hospital that takes people that cannot pay for each patient. This will encourage some indigent care.

H.)  Allow private individuals to negotiate fees like the insurance companies. We should have the same playing field.

I.)  Allow individuals to buy a group plan with only two people to encourage mom and pop  businesses to get insurance.

J.) Cover preventative care, birth control and physicals and vaccinations.

L.)  Remove caps and high risk pools. Also cap the salaries of CEO’s to not exceed 1 million dollars.

M.)  Congress and the Senate must be on the same policy as their constituents.

 

election is over

I waited over a week to post.  Like a lot of people I didn’t think Trump would win and I was surprised. I wanted to process it before I wrote something in the heat of the moment.

No matter who wins, both candidates only recieved 48% of the vote, meaning 52% didn’t like the other one.  Several mayors, governors and senators and congressmen will not return to office.  The whole makeup of our country will change in January 2017.

Several things are happening that need to be revisited.  Just give him a chance.  He is not my President. Their are protests and riots and kids walking out of class.  I will give my psychological perspective one at a time.  I am in no means predicting anything, just my spin on how people are feeling.

1. The media messed this up.  The polls were wrong.  Why is this bad?  Some people may not have voted because they thought there candidate had it in the bag so they didn’t need to or they fired they were going to lose so it didn’t matter.  Always vote no matter what the polls say.  No vote no voice.

2.  Just give him a chance- I remember 2008 very well.  No one was giving Obama  a chance.  The birther movement was in full swing and plenty of people were saying he is not my president and calling him obummer, a muslim, a kenyan, a socialist.  No there were no riots, but plenty of racist signs and bumper stickers for 8 years.  They called him an ape.  Asked for his lynching.  Insulted his wife and kids and called them ugly.  We discovered that america was still racist in 2008.  So it is hard for people to want to take the high road and do the same for Trump.

3.  He is our elected President.  Always pray for our leaders.  He is your President so hold him to a standard above a reality TV host.  He has to watch what he says now. He needs to be called out when he does wrong or praised when  he does right.  Acceptance does not mean approval.

4. The protests.  Cory Booker told us to behave.  We have the right to make our voices heard and assemble. We do not have the right to loot, burn, throw rocks, destroy property and act like a big temper tantrum. That does not make your cause look right.  People miss the message when looking at the behavior.  I understand why people are afraid, due to the statements made about them.  Trump has done racists behaviors in the past with his rental policies and has made racist comments.  On the other side, reports are coming out of brown people being targeted and threatened.  This just validates peoples fears.  A few incidents like that and people will go see we should be afraid and more people will protest.

5.  A better way.  Look to 2018.  If Trump has not fulfilled his promises to the ones that expected him to then let him know and start finding someone else for 2020 and vote out the congressmen that sided with him.  If Trump fulfilled his promises and you do not like them, then also vote out those responsible and look for a sucessor for 2020.  He will be 74 in 2020 and we all know how this office ages people.  He may not want to run again.

6.  Trump is a large personality and is used to getting his own way.  He may adapt to having to negotiate where he isn’t the biggest ego in the room or he may not.  I personally would not want to work for him and not agree with him. Yet if our country is full of minions who don’t speak out we don’t learn or grow. A good parent tells their kids what they need to hear not what they want to hear.  Let us hope Trump has some parents/advisers that tell him like it is.

The Election and it effects on kids.

My clients are from the age of 5 to 18 for kids.  They come from all ethnic backgrounds and social economic status.  One little black girl asked me why Donald Trump didn’t like her.  She is 10.  A 16 year old white kid bragged that Trump was going to win big and everyone just better like it.  A 6 year old wanted to know why he got in trouble for grabbing a girl at school because Trump says they really like it.  A girl said she didn’t trust Hillary because she wasn’t good at email, because she was old like her grandma.  My Mexican client who was born here said several people yelled at him at school and told him they were going to build a wall and throw his ass out.  All of these children get in trouble for fighting and did before the election.  My sexual trauma clients are being triggered and they believe that Trump and Clinton are perps and are scared.  Many think they are fat when they aren’t fat.  My suggestion is to not have children watch the news if they aren’t old enough to vote.  We have three weeks left.  Save the children.

My clients ask me who I am voting for and I don’t tell them.  It isn’t my job to sway political opinions.  I just tell them to vote or have their parents vote.  Many of my chients are disabled and recieve services.  They worry about losing them. They already have anxiety problems.  Some are low IQ and can’t decern the rhetoric and fact check.  One was afraid that they were going to take him to jail and knock his door down looking for Mexicans and guns.  They already have issues with the police.

I have to walk the fine line between safety, knowledge and not swaying someones vote.

My advise to someone with mental issues, if you know who you are going to vote for don’t turn on the news or look at it on the internet and mute the commercials.  Don’t watch the next debate.

I can’t wait until November 9th 2016.  Let all of this be over.

 

 

Most common marriage issue

Communication.

You spend the first few months enthralled at everything they say and find the jokes witty.  You ignore the little things that normally make your flesh crawl.  You expound on the wonderfullness of the other person.

Then you reside together either through cohabitation or marriage.  You notice he doesn’t put the towels up.  She leaves her dishes out.  He goes out without telling you.  She wears ugly sweatpants to bed.  You don’t bring it up.  It festers.  Then boom you have a fight and everything comes up at once.  They don’t understand because you never said anything before now.

Rules for cohabitation:

1. Make a household budget and 3 accounts.
   everyone should have some of there own money.
2.  Make a list of household chores and decide who does them.
3. Each person has a bathroom to call their own and a space.
4. You make decisions about children, discipline, visits.
5. Elderly parents who cares for who?
6. You have a weekly meeting to discuss the household and what is getting on your nerves.
7. If you need space, ask for it, but give a time frame.
8. Remember no one reads your mind.
9. Say I fee _____________ when you _____________.
10. Always and never and fine are not used.  No one is good or bad all the time and we all do things sometimes.  Plus fine stands for f’ed up, insecure,neurotic and emotional.
11. Say what you mean.
12. Paraphrase what the other person says.
13. Don’t threaten to leave or throw someone out when you aren’t going to do it.
14. Say something nice everyday to your person.
15. Do not hit, throw things, break things or use insults.
16. Do not tolerate such behavior.

 

Religion and politics once again.

Now the issue is equal pay based on gender.  Many systems are set up that way state jobs, federal and military jobs.  But many are not.  The arguments presented lately is using religion.  The Bible according to Chris Christie is that woman are less than men and it is against his religion so he vetoes and equal pay bill.  Let me be clear.  I don’t practice the same religion as Chris Christie and do not wish his views to be placed upon me.  Thankfully I live in Va.

The Equal rights amendment lacked three states of passing and Virginia is one of them.

The reason that pay should be equal is very clear.  Me and my coworker in the same job making the same pay does not take any pay away from them.  Social security is based on income.  Women live 7 years longer than men.  So woman making less money increases the chances of senior poverty.  Women will also put less money in a 401 K because there salary will drop.

Pay by the position.  If a teacher makes this wage, then all make it regardless of gender.  Commission jobs are more fair, because they pay based on how much you sell.  In some commission fields women exceed the men in commissions.

Even in hollywood and the musica industry the salaries were less, even when the female leads movie grossed more and made more money for the studio.  A way around this is to get a percentage of the profits.  Women are not as good at negotiating salaries and are often seen as bitchy if they do.

Women are more likely to raise children alone and not get as much child support.  Women pay child care, which can whittle into the pay check, almost half if the child is under 2.

How does it offend Jesus if I am paid a fair wage for a hard days work?  If you don’t want women to work, fine, make enough to support your family one your income, but don’t discriminate on those who have to or chose to work. Don’t complain about welfare that keeps women out of the workforce.

Jesus said feed my sheep, even the ewes.  You can feed them by paying them enough to live on.

So Phyllis Schafly and Chris Christie you are wrong.  Follow the constitution for government and the religious text for your personal life.  Keep your government out of my Bible and your Bible out of my government.  Thank you.  Peace out.

Wisconsin persecutes the poor

Wisconsin, under the guise of making poor people eat right, unless it is Michelle Obama insisting on healthy school lunches, has a list of foods that food stamp recipients can’t eat with their SNAP benefits.

The list:  organic food, (shouldn’t this be included), cranberry sauce, creamed vegetables, baked beans, pickles, pork and beans, frozen vegetables,   French fries, potatoes (I guess the Irish have to starve), sharp cheddar cheese, canned peas and green beans, tuna, salmon and fish filets( all healthy here), bagels, white and wild rice ( another healthy choice), taco shells, almonds, rice, goat and soy milk, (healthy again), brown eggs (my favorite), some infant food, anything in bulk and ketchup, herbs and spices.  Having food with no flavor will make you eat less.

What does that leave to eat?  Spaghetti, beans, rice are inexpensive choices.  The average person gets 125.00 a month on SNAP. Missouri is banning steak.  Kansas is banning them from using the EBT card to go to the movies, a pool or anything fun and limits ATM withdrawals to 25.00 a day. Most electric bills are more than that.

What is up with people?  Don’t they realize that the  majority of SNAP recipients are disabled, veterans, children, elderly widows, single parents with jobs.  Imagine the nightmare for the clerks trying to determine what is okay and what is not okay to ring up.  I am in the grocery line long enough as it is.  Then, the shame of calling a manager because someone on food stamps has some beans and are they the right beans. Holding them up for everyone to see.

I have clients with mental and developmental challenges.  They would just not shop and would be confused.  The anxiety of getting the wrong food would cause a panic attack.

I get it don’t be poor in Wisconsin.  Well governor how is the job situation and the cost of living.  I could stretch my 125.00 on beans, rice, spaghetti and sack of potatoes and frozen veggies and tuna.  Now I guess you have to eat soup and cereal, full of sugar and sodium.  So much for the healthy options.

It is poor shaming.  Call it what it is.  We want you so ashamed to be poor that you won’t be poor anymore.  How easy that is?  I will just stop being poor.  My employer will raise my wage so I can eat baked beans.  Yeah!

It sounds stupid to me too.

 

Punish woman for abortion

Everyone has a view on abortion.  Most people don’t like it or don’t want to have one. Making it illegal won’t make it stop anymore than making guns illegal will keep them away from people.  How do you prevent abortion?

1.) Make birth control easily accessible and teach how to use on males and females.

2.) Make insurance pay for vasectomies and tubal ligations.

3.) Make adoption laws less cumbersome and free to anyone who wants to adopt.

4.) Do not give paternal rights to rapists, fathers who will be incarcerated and cannot see the child.

5.) Make child abandonment automatic termination of parental rights.

6.) Make is easier for foster parents to adopt.

7.)  Quit with the welfare shaming.  If people can’t afford kids, they won’t have them.  If you won’t adopt the child, and the father won’t support it, put it on welfare and shut up.

8.) Medicaid for all pregnant women so they can get prenatal care and medicaid for the baby.

9.) Pay relatives who raise the child just like a foster parent.

10.)  Make the morning after pill available without a prescription.

11.)  Make schooling free for single mothers with free child care.

12.)  Genetic testing for people before the get pregnant covered by insurance.

13.)  Get off the punishment, shaming rhetoric.  Many woman have abortions because they don’t want someone to know they got pregnant out of wedlock.

14.)  Quit with the discrimination laws.  In mississippi a woman can be fired for fornication, so her only choice to keep her job will be to abort so no one knows.

15.)  Look at your own behaviors.  Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t want a child?  NO.  They you don’t understand.

16.) Economic hardships caused my multiple children are a reality.  Raise the pay.

17.) Childbirth is a risk.  I am diabetic due to gestational diabetes.  Women still die from complications of pregnancy and child birth.

18.)  Improve child support enforcement to a federal level to cross state lines and for people who work under the table.

19.)  Teach parenting in middle school.  Kids need to know what it is like to really raise a child.

20.)  Be part of the solution, not just some asshole holding a sign in front of a clinic screaming nasty words.

 

 

 

 

Patty Duke

I was saddened by the death of Patty Duke.  She was a champion for the rights of the mentally ill.  She bravely disclosed her diagnosis in a time when people didn’t do so.  She spoke out for others.  She was a celebrity that used her fame for good.  I will always remember her performance of Annie Sullivan in Helen Keller.  She was courageous.  She even wrote about her experience in her autobiography Call Me Anna.   Others have made public their illnesses after her brave disclosure.  Now it has less stigma and shame. Her son Sean Austin encourages people to send money to mental health or to her foundation.

www.pattyduke.net/links.html

The Patty Duke Mental health project.

My prayers and condolences to her family and friends.  Let her legacy live on.

 

 

The problem with modern women

We have come along way baby.  We now work and can take care of ourselves.  Independent ladies!

This has backfired.  I have so many female clients in their 20s and early 30s that complain about the same things.  My man cheated on me.  I am supporting him.  He has a baby with another woman.  He hits me and talks to me like crap.  He lives in my house, but doesn’t help.  I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want him to leave me.  What can I do to make him change? 

Let me answer that question for you.  NOTHING!!!!

Why does he would he change?  He has a mommy to take care of him and someone to have sex with.  He isn’t married so in his mind he can come and go as he pleases.  Why do you think he chose a competent woman?  He treats his mistress better, because he doesn’t see her every day and doesn’t have to take out the trash or help.

You want this situation to change.  I have 10 steps that should solve the problem. 

10.  Charge him rent.  A man needs to feel like a man.  I don’t care if he is a starving artist or trying to find himself.  Even 100.00 can help.  I bet he finds money for art supplies, beer, cigarettes.  If he doesn’t want to pay, he doesn’t stay.

9. You are not his mama.  Do not wash his clothes.  Set up a household schedule for chores.  Do not do his.  Hire a maid and make him pay half.  If he doesn’t want to do it or pay his share, then it either doesn’t get done or he leaves.

8.  Find your own stuff to do alone and go do it.  Do not call and tell him about it.  Be interesting and independent.  You make money.  Enjoy it.

7.  Do not have his baby and get on birth control.  Already pregnant, collect child support.  Set up times for him to watch the baby.  If he can’t work, he can be day care.  Do not stay with him because he knocked you up.

6.  Realize that being alone is not a bad thing.  Get educated and employed. 

5.  Have credit in your name. Do not put his name on your stuff.  He is not your husband.  If he is your husband, have some things in your name.  Do not lower yourself to ask for money.

4. Develop a support system and use it.  When it hits the fan, you need a place to go, a person to call, someone to borrow money from and a shoulder to cry on.

3.  If he cheats, get checked and do not sleep with him until he is cleared.  If you don’t want to leave, expect him to cheat again.  Either accept that he is a cheater or leave.  He will not change without counseling.  

2. Get help for yourself.  If he won’t go, go for yourself. If he bitches about you going, go anyway.  You don’t have to tell him that you are going.

1.  If he hits you, leave.  Call 911 and have him arrested.  Look up narcissism as a personality disorder.  He will do what you allow him to do. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.  He has to learn the hard way.  Their is no excuse.  Real men don’t hit women.

Liberated women unite.  Having a partner is nice, but have a partner not just someone that lays around your house screwing you figuratively and literally.  Don’t move an unemployed man in your house. Don’t cosign for him.   There are planty of good men out there.  Don’t run from them and treat them like crap.

Let aspiring artists live in a commune with other artists, musicians and poets.  Some men are fun to play with, but you don’t keep them.  If he did it to her, he will do it to you. 

If any of this makes you feel uncomfortable, call the domestic abuse hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE.