The problem with modern women

We have come along way baby.  We now work and can take care of ourselves.  Independent ladies!

This has backfired.  I have so many female clients in their 20s and early 30s that complain about the same things.  My man cheated on me.  I am supporting him.  He has a baby with another woman.  He hits me and talks to me like crap.  He lives in my house, but doesn’t help.  I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want him to leave me.  What can I do to make him change? 

Let me answer that question for you.  NOTHING!!!!

Why does he would he change?  He has a mommy to take care of him and someone to have sex with.  He isn’t married so in his mind he can come and go as he pleases.  Why do you think he chose a competent woman?  He treats his mistress better, because he doesn’t see her every day and doesn’t have to take out the trash or help.

You want this situation to change.  I have 10 steps that should solve the problem. 

10.  Charge him rent.  A man needs to feel like a man.  I don’t care if he is a starving artist or trying to find himself.  Even 100.00 can help.  I bet he finds money for art supplies, beer, cigarettes.  If he doesn’t want to pay, he doesn’t stay.

9. You are not his mama.  Do not wash his clothes.  Set up a household schedule for chores.  Do not do his.  Hire a maid and make him pay half.  If he doesn’t want to do it or pay his share, then it either doesn’t get done or he leaves.

8.  Find your own stuff to do alone and go do it.  Do not call and tell him about it.  Be interesting and independent.  You make money.  Enjoy it.

7.  Do not have his baby and get on birth control.  Already pregnant, collect child support.  Set up times for him to watch the baby.  If he can’t work, he can be day care.  Do not stay with him because he knocked you up.

6.  Realize that being alone is not a bad thing.  Get educated and employed. 

5.  Have credit in your name. Do not put his name on your stuff.  He is not your husband.  If he is your husband, have some things in your name.  Do not lower yourself to ask for money.

4. Develop a support system and use it.  When it hits the fan, you need a place to go, a person to call, someone to borrow money from and a shoulder to cry on.

3.  If he cheats, get checked and do not sleep with him until he is cleared.  If you don’t want to leave, expect him to cheat again.  Either accept that he is a cheater or leave.  He will not change without counseling.  

2. Get help for yourself.  If he won’t go, go for yourself. If he bitches about you going, go anyway.  You don’t have to tell him that you are going.

  1.  If he hits you, leave.  Call 911 and have him arrested.  Look up narcissism as a personality disorder.  He will do what you allow him to do. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.  He has to learn the hard way.  Their is no excuse.  Real men don’t hit women.

Liberated women unite.  Having a partner is nice, but have a partner not just someone that lays around your house screwing you figuratively and literally.  Don’t move an unemployed man in your house. Don’t cosign for him.   There are planty of good men out there.  Don’t run from them and treat them like crap.

Let aspiring artists live in a commune with other artists, musicians and poets.  Some men are fun to play with, but you don’t keep them.  If he did it to her, he will do it to you. 

If any of this makes you feel uncomfortable, call the domestic abuse hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE. 

A to Z coping strategy

Diane Webb fellow blogger suggests using each letter of the alphabet to list something you are grateful for right now.  My list.

A- applesauce

B- Bella and Be Be my dogs and Beverly my daughter

C- church

D- David my Dad and David my husband ( 2 people)

E- electricity

F- French fried

G-gladiolas

H- the Hauers my new family

I- ice cream (duh)

J- jelly

K- klutzs

L- Lauren

M- music

N- noise (it means I can hear)

O- oolong tea

P- pizza

Q- questions

R- rest

S- salvation

T- teachers

U- universal love

V-Virginia my state

W- words

X- extraordinary life

Y- yarn to knit

Z- zest for living

You try it.