So much has been talked about parenting these days, gorillas, abductions, neglect, affluenza teen, shootings,  etc.  I have a plan for those that want to raise a bad child.  Just get it over with and do not have any expectations.

First, you have to decide which type of bad kid you want: a thug/punk, a scared totally dependent, an overachieving alcoholic drug addict, a promiscuous ho, or just stupid.

Thug kid

  1.  To have a thug or a punk, be sure and ignore their friends and what they do.  It isn’t your business. Let them act out in public.
  2. Let them dress in gang colors.  God forbid you don’t let them express themselves. They can get tats, piercings and saggy pants.
  3. Make no remarks about grades, that is shaming.
  4. Do not call the police if they steal, beat up people. Videotape the fight.  They kicked ass!
  5. Let them talk to you any way they want, they are just expressing themselves. Curse back.
  6. Demonstrate thug behavior in their presence. That Tupac shirt looks cute on a 40 year old.
  7. Be the fun parent that smokes pot with their kid and gets arrested too.

Scared kid/totally dependent

  1.  Do not let that child out of your sight.  The world is scary.
  2. Tell them the perils of every activity they will do.
  3. Do their homework and be sure and micromanage everything.  They can’t do it.
  4. Tell them you will protect them at all times
  5. Intervene at every conflict. They can’t handle this.
  6. Help them find a job and call the boss often.
  7. Do not let them make any decisions without you.
  8. Bail them out of any problem or legal mess.

Overachieving alcoholic kid

  1.  Ground them for not making straight A’s.
  2. They must have an activity every night to be well rounded.
  3. They must win at all costs.
  4. Give them Ritalin when they aren’t ADHD to enhance performance.
  5. Your life revolves around their success. Guilt is a good thing.
  6. Tell them they must get into Harvard or Princeton or they suck.
  7. Ignore the drinking and drug use, they need to relax.  Their grades are good.
  8. Tell people how great the kid is and list their achievements.  Everything is conditional in this house.

Promiscuous kid

  1.  Dress them like little hos.  They can have a boyfriend at 11, why not?
  2. Do not criticize the inappropriate music or videos.
  3. Do not supervise their interactions with the opposite sex. Close the door to the bedroom.
  4. Be sure and let men or woman lay up in your house.
  5. Don’t pay attention to them.  They can fend for themselves.
  6. Ask about their school day.  See any cute boys?
  7. Focus on their looks and sex appeal.
  8. Dress provocative yourself.  Who wants to look 40?
  9. Do not bitch when she is knocked up or your son has a baby mama.


  1.  Do not teach the child anything.  That is what school is for.
  2. Do not help with school work.  You are busy.
  3. Every time the kid messes up tell them how stupid they are.
  4. Do not have anything educational in the house.
  5. Don’t use big words you might get it wrong.
  6. When they ask questions, tell them I don’t know.  Why do you need to know that?
  7. Do not acknowledge good grades.  Nerds don’t get laid.
  8. Have keggers and fun stuff at the house.
  9. Tell them it is okay to drop out of school.  You need money in the house.
  10. Act stupid yourself.


If you want a different kid do the opposite.




Punish woman for abortion

Everyone has a view on abortion.  Most people don’t like it or don’t want to have one. Making it illegal won’t make it stop anymore than making guns illegal will keep them away from people.  How do you prevent abortion?

1.) Make birth control easily accessible and teach how to use on males and females.

2.) Make insurance pay for vasectomies and tubal ligations.

3.) Make adoption laws less cumbersome and free to anyone who wants to adopt.

4.) Do not give paternal rights to rapists, fathers who will be incarcerated and cannot see the child.

5.) Make child abandonment automatic termination of parental rights.

6.) Make is easier for foster parents to adopt.

7.)  Quit with the welfare shaming.  If people can’t afford kids, they won’t have them.  If you won’t adopt the child, and the father won’t support it, put it on welfare and shut up.

8.) Medicaid for all pregnant women so they can get prenatal care and medicaid for the baby.

9.) Pay relatives who raise the child just like a foster parent.

10.)  Make the morning after pill available without a prescription.

11.)  Make schooling free for single mothers with free child care.

12.)  Genetic testing for people before the get pregnant covered by insurance.

13.)  Get off the punishment, shaming rhetoric.  Many woman have abortions because they don’t want someone to know they got pregnant out of wedlock.

14.)  Quit with the discrimination laws.  In mississippi a woman can be fired for fornication, so her only choice to keep her job will be to abort so no one knows.

15.)  Look at your own behaviors.  Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t want a child?  NO.  They you don’t understand.

16.) Economic hardships caused my multiple children are a reality.  Raise the pay.

17.) Childbirth is a risk.  I am diabetic due to gestational diabetes.  Women still die from complications of pregnancy and child birth.

18.)  Improve child support enforcement to a federal level to cross state lines and for people who work under the table.

19.)  Teach parenting in middle school.  Kids need to know what it is like to really raise a child.

20.)  Be part of the solution, not just some asshole holding a sign in front of a clinic screaming nasty words.





First page of my novel

I finally have started my novel on my career as a therapist.  I will post exercpts from time to time and hope you will critique it.  I will try to be as honest as possible without giving away any client privledged information.  I also will shed light on various diagnosis, failed treatments, modalities.  I hope to have me grow as a person and learn as I write.  Many people go into this field wanting to save the world.  They have no clue.  The textbooks do not tell you about assessments in the hood, walking the park to engage the homeless, going into homes to look after children,  watching people detox,  doing therapy in a soup kitchen and jail.  It is a journey for me and for my clients. I also apologize to my first clients that I learned with and hope they got better anyway.

And don’t get me started on insurance billing.  They don’t touch that.

Babies that arent yours

You marry someone with 7 grandchildren. They have babies. I love babies. I am great grandma. Then you get reminded of the late great biological grandmas. You will be the one to hold cuddle, knit and buy gifts for.  Is it okay to be step grandma, if the other grandma is deceased?  I am the only great grandma the child will know. I don’t really want to be a step.  It seems so less than.  I understand if the biological grandma is still around.  Your place is to be the bonus grandma.  There is no bonus. I know when I hold the babies they wish it was their grandma holding their child.  The baby cooes at me.  My husband and I hold it together.  He loves it. I love it.

I get introduced as this is my Grandpa and his wife.  I feel like an appendage.  If their Grandma was alive, it would be this is my Grandpa and Grandma.  I never had step grandparents so I don’t know the rules in the world of blended families.  My kids don’t call my husband Dad because their Dad is alive, but they don’t say this is my mom and her husband.  They say this is my Mom and Dave or my Mom and my stepdad Dave.

I try to keep the peace.  Do they want me to treat my biological children better?  I try to treat them all the same.   I don’t say this is Dave and his kids, his grandkids.  I say this is my family and introduce them by name.  Am  I wrong?

I had a client that came in with a pile of kids age 1 to 12.  She introduced them as this is my child by birth and these are my children by choice.  I love that woman.  Those kids will flourish in her home.

Military families

Why are they called military brats?  The military children I have seen are the best behaved and resilient.  They move every few years and have to make new friends and try out for new sports teams.  They have to establish themselves in the new clique at school.  I grew up with military peers.  I always gave the going away party.  I felt that I was left behind.   One friend went overseas, another to Arizona, another to New England. We would always write at first, because long distance was too much at that time and their was no email or Facebook.  Friendships fade from a lack of personal attention.

I am working with navy families that are blended.  Every summer at the airport children are put on the plane to see their other parent and learn a new routine.  Sometimes the military parent is deployed in the summer and the child misses out on visitation that summer. Face time replaces real-time as they communicate with mom or Dad on a ship or an overseas base.

Then we have dual military families.  The struggle of coordinating deployments so that one parent is home while the other is gone.  Technically you are a married single parent and the routine is always different with the other parent.  The marriage has issues with the long separations from each other.  Then one parent is transferred to Kansas and the other parent does not.  Where do the kids go?  Is it the middle of the school year?  Sometimes one parent gets out of the military so they can go with their spouse, stalling their military career. Sometimes both deploy and the children have to stay with relatives.  This can be more challenging is two kids are his, one is hers and one is both.  Is one relative willing to take them all?

When you look at all of these issues, how can you call these children brats?  They have a right to be lonely, angry, anxious, afraid.  What if the news kids don’t like me?  Maybe if I act goofy in school, and make them laugh I will get friends.  Oh this school is ahead of my old school, I better be quiet so no one knows I am stupid.  I was the star on the team last year and I didn’t make the team this year at this school and jocks rule this school. If I get suspended I won’t have to be bullied anymore for a few days.  Maybe I should stay with the other parent for a while, but I miss my siblings. Dad has a new wife and he is deploying for a month.  Why do I have to stay with her?  Maybe if I act like a little butthead, I will get to stay with my grandparents.  What if my parent dies?  Where will I go?  I will have to leave the base and my school and friends.

How are we supporting out military families?  Are you aware that a lot of them qualify for food stamps?  We aren’t paying them enough for what they do.  We don’t have enough support for the children.

There is one place to call 1-800-342-9647 Military one source or for information, crisis counseling, referrals and resources 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I am a provider for this wonderful organization and so are many others around the country.  We give 12 sessions to military families at no cost to them.  If you are in the Portsmouth area, ask for the Human Element.  We understand the problems with your “military brat“.

Continue reading Military families

Parenting classes

I have been approved for parenting classes for divorcing parents.  Most people roll their eyes that they have to give up four hours to go to a stupid class about how to be divorced parents.  “My kids are fine.”  ” We have a good agreement.”  ” My ex is the problem why do I have to go.”

You do know your child and what is best for them.  What you do not know is how to parent that child as a divorced parent.  You won’t see the child every day.  You won’t have every holiday with him or her.  You will hear about how great it is at the other parents house. You will find out your ex has a new partner and your kid likes them.  You will not like things your other parent does and will want to voice your opinion. Your kids aren’t really asleep and do hear everything.  They know when you are mad, sad and upset.  They blame themselves.

“My parents are fighting about me, so it must be my fault.”

Go to your class with an open mind.  Your kids are worth it.

Out of control or poor parenting.

I watched a you tube video that has been circulating of a Mom driving a car with a child in the back around 11 or 12 years old.  The passenger was videotaping his major tantrum.  The kid was kicking the seat, screaming at his mom to take him home.  He pulled his Mom’s hair and tried to touch the steering wheel.  The Mom explained he could not go home because of no adult supervision.  He continued to act out and escalated.  She grounded him several times and he screamed no.  He did not appear to calm down.  Many people commented on what to do and what he had.  Some gave excuses for his behavior and he needed medication.  Others blamed the Mom for being too permissive.  Some suggested to beat his behind.  Others suggested psychiatric interventions.  It was obvious that he has some for of oppositional defiance.  He did not need medication.  He knew exactly what he was doing and did not care.  This is not a case of isolated behaviors.  No one seemed concerned that he was in a moving car trying to take control of the wheel and why didn’t the Mom stop the car.  Was this behavior so typical for him that she just kept driving figuring that he would shut up eventually?  Why was the passenger videotaping and not trying to intervene?  The kid made a few snide remarks to the passenger.  Other people suggested that if the Mother was black she would have handled it better.  So that brings to the question do people parent differently due to their culture and race?  A child was out of control in a moving car that could have crashed and injured and killed people.  If it was my kid, the car would have sat with the ignition off until the child calmed down or I would have called the police.  Children need to learn that parents are in charge and to be safe.  He wasn’t safe and he didn’t care.  So are kids today any different than 20 years ago?