HOW TO RAISE BAD CHILDREN

So much has been talked about parenting these days, gorillas, abductions, neglect, affluenza teen, shootings,  etc.  I have a plan for those that want to raise a bad child.  Just get it over with and do not have any expectations.

First, you have to decide which type of bad kid you want: a thug/punk, a scared totally dependent, an overachieving alcoholic drug addict, a promiscuous ho, or just stupid.

Thug kid

1.  To have a thug or a punk, be sure and ignore their friends and what they do.  It isn’t your business. Let them act out in public.
2. Let them dress in gang colors.  God forbid you don’t let them express themselves. They can get tats, piercings and saggy pants.
3. Make no remarks about grades, that is shaming.
4. Do not call the police if they steal, beat up people. Videotape the fight.  They kicked ass!
5. Let them talk to you any way they want, they are just expressing themselves. Curse back.
6. Demonstrate thug behavior in their presence. That Tupac shirt looks cute on a 40 year old.
7. Be the fun parent that smokes pot with their kid and gets arrested too.

Scared kid/totally dependent

1.  Do not let that child out of your sight.  The world is scary.
2. Tell them the perils of every activity they will do.
3. Do their homework and be sure and micromanage everything.  They can’t do it.
4. Tell them you will protect them at all times
5. Intervene at every conflict. They can’t handle this.
6. Help them find a job and call the boss often.
7. Do not let them make any decisions without you.
8. Bail them out of any problem or legal mess.

Overachieving alcoholic kid

1.  Ground them for not making straight A’s.
2. They must have an activity every night to be well rounded.
3. They must win at all costs.
4. Give them Ritalin when they aren’t ADHD to enhance performance.
5. Your life revolves around their success. Guilt is a good thing.
6. Tell them they must get into Harvard or Princeton or they suck.
7. Ignore the drinking and drug use, they need to relax.  Their grades are good.
8. Tell people how great the kid is and list their achievements.  Everything is conditional in this house.

Promiscuous kid

1.  Dress them like little hos.  They can have a boyfriend at 11, why not?
2. Do not criticize the inappropriate music or videos.
3. Do not supervise their interactions with the opposite sex. Close the door to the bedroom.
4. Be sure and let men or woman lay up in your house.
5. Don’t pay attention to them.  They can fend for themselves.
6. Ask about their school day.  See any cute boys?
7. Focus on their looks and sex appeal.
8. Dress provocative yourself.  Who wants to look 40?
9. Do not bitch when she is knocked up or your son has a baby mama.

Stupid

1.  Do not teach the child anything.  That is what school is for.
2. Do not help with school work.  You are busy.
3. Every time the kid messes up tell them how stupid they are.
4. Do not have anything educational in the house.
5. Don’t use big words you might get it wrong.
6. When they ask questions, tell them I don’t know.  Why do you need to know that?
7. Do not acknowledge good grades.  Nerds don’t get laid.
8. Have keggers and fun stuff at the house.
9. Tell them it is okay to drop out of school.  You need money in the house.
10. Act stupid yourself.

 

If you want a different kid do the opposite.

 

 

Punish woman for abortion

Everyone has a view on abortion.  Most people don’t like it or don’t want to have one. Making it illegal won’t make it stop anymore than making guns illegal will keep them away from people.  How do you prevent abortion?

1.) Make birth control easily accessible and teach how to use on males and females.

2.) Make insurance pay for vasectomies and tubal ligations.

3.) Make adoption laws less cumbersome and free to anyone who wants to adopt.

4.) Do not give paternal rights to rapists, fathers who will be incarcerated and cannot see the child.

5.) Make child abandonment automatic termination of parental rights.

6.) Make is easier for foster parents to adopt.

7.)  Quit with the welfare shaming.  If people can’t afford kids, they won’t have them.  If you won’t adopt the child, and the father won’t support it, put it on welfare and shut up.

8.) Medicaid for all pregnant women so they can get prenatal care and medicaid for the baby.

9.) Pay relatives who raise the child just like a foster parent.

10.)  Make the morning after pill available without a prescription.

11.)  Make schooling free for single mothers with free child care.

12.)  Genetic testing for people before the get pregnant covered by insurance.

13.)  Get off the punishment, shaming rhetoric.  Many woman have abortions because they don’t want someone to know they got pregnant out of wedlock.

14.)  Quit with the discrimination laws.  In mississippi a woman can be fired for fornication, so her only choice to keep her job will be to abort so no one knows.

15.)  Look at your own behaviors.  Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t want a child?  NO.  They you don’t understand.

16.) Economic hardships caused my multiple children are a reality.  Raise the pay.

17.) Childbirth is a risk.  I am diabetic due to gestational diabetes.  Women still die from complications of pregnancy and child birth.

18.)  Improve child support enforcement to a federal level to cross state lines and for people who work under the table.

19.)  Teach parenting in middle school.  Kids need to know what it is like to really raise a child.

20.)  Be part of the solution, not just some asshole holding a sign in front of a clinic screaming nasty words.

 

 

 

 

Babies that arent yours

You marry someone with 7 grandchildren. They have babies. I love babies. I am great grandma. Then you get reminded of the late great biological grandmas. You will be the one to hold cuddle, knit and buy gifts for.  Is it okay to be step grandma, if the other grandma is deceased?  I am the only great grandma the child will know. I don’t really want to be a step.  It seems so less than.  I understand if the biological grandma is still around.  Your place is to be the bonus grandma.  There is no bonus. I know when I hold the babies they wish it was their grandma holding their child.  The baby cooes at me.  My husband and I hold it together.  He loves it. I love it.

I get introduced as this is my Grandpa and his wife.  I feel like an appendage.  If their Grandma was alive, it would be this is my Grandpa and Grandma.  I never had step grandparents so I don’t know the rules in the world of blended families.  My kids don’t call my husband Dad because their Dad is alive, but they don’t say this is my mom and her husband.  They say this is my Mom and Dave or my Mom and my stepdad Dave.

I try to keep the peace.  Do they want me to treat my biological children better?  I try to treat them all the same.   I don’t say this is Dave and his kids, his grandkids.  I say this is my family and introduce them by name.  Am  I wrong?

I had a client that came in with a pile of kids age 1 to 12.  She introduced them as this is my child by birth and these are my children by choice.  I love that woman.  Those kids will flourish in her home.

Happy New Year

2016 holds promise for me.  We are expecting two new great grandbabies 02/05/16 and  09/07/2016.  That is all we know for now.  We have two married child and grandchild, so anything can happen.  2016 year of the baby!!!

I am seeing many violent acts continuing and the election cycle of who sucks the most and how wonderful I am is continuing.  Psychology today had an excellent article about the election and how we are swayed by the wrong things. Alpha male traits, charisma, and making people believe you even when you lie.

I think I will knit baby booties, hats, blankets and concentrate on the babies.  Babies are new beginnings.  Babies are love.  Babies are genuine.  Babies make me happy.

I will vote for who I think will most help the future of our babies.