Sultry summer time stand your ground

Why does summer bring out all the crazies?  Florida had another shooting of an unarmed person.  Stand your ground.  So now if someone touches me I can kill them.  Are we so afraid of everyone?  What happened to an old fashioned fist fight, and be done with it?   Now we can start a fight and when we are losing state how afraid we are and kill someone?  If you were so afraid of the person why did you start the fight in the first place.  You just walk up to people cars and start yelling.  Why wasn’t she afraid of a big man yelling at her and her kids?  Omg repeal that law.

I used to live a mile from that area.  Sunset Point was a quiet well traveled road.  Not much excitement.  If I was living there, I would be marching too.  There are two bars on the corner and I am sure some shoving has taken place.  Shove and shoot.  If I see George Zimmerman can I shoot him, he scares me. I am scared of him and fear for my life.  Justifiable homicide.  I am standing my ground.

This law is going to have consequences.  Innocent people are going to be killed because they look a certain way and people are afraid of them.  Can I shoot my ex husband?  He beat me and I am afraid of him.  Do I bait him to yell at me and I claim he is going to kill me and shoot him?

Oh wait that doesn’t apply in domestic abuse.  You can’t shoot your batterer even if you are afraid of him.

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Most common marriage issue

Communication.

You spend the first few months enthralled at everything they say and find the jokes witty.  You ignore the little things that normally make your flesh crawl.  You expound on the wonderfullness of the other person.

Then you reside together either through cohabitation or marriage.  You notice he doesn’t put the towels up.  She leaves her dishes out.  He goes out without telling you.  She wears ugly sweatpants to bed.  You don’t bring it up.  It festers.  Then boom you have a fight and everything comes up at once.  They don’t understand because you never said anything before now.

Rules for cohabitation:

  1. Make a household budget and 3 accounts.
    everyone should have some of there own money.
  2.  Make a list of household chores and decide who does them.
  3. Each person has a bathroom to call their own and a space.
  4. You make decisions about children, discipline, visits.
  5. Elderly parents who cares for who?
  6. You have a weekly meeting to discuss the household and what is getting on your nerves.
  7. If you need space, ask for it, but give a time frame.
  8. Remember no one reads your mind.
  9. Say I fee _____________ when you _____________.
  10. Always and never and fine are not used.  No one is good or bad all the time and we all do things sometimes.  Plus fine stands for f’ed up, insecure,neurotic and emotional.
  11. Say what you mean.
  12. Paraphrase what the other person says.
  13. Don’t threaten to leave or throw someone out when you aren’t going to do it.
  14. Say something nice everyday to your person.
  15. Do not hit, throw things, break things or use insults.
  16. Do not tolerate such behavior.

 

The problem with modern women

We have come along way baby.  We now work and can take care of ourselves.  Independent ladies!

This has backfired.  I have so many female clients in their 20s and early 30s that complain about the same things.  My man cheated on me.  I am supporting him.  He has a baby with another woman.  He hits me and talks to me like crap.  He lives in my house, but doesn’t help.  I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want him to leave me.  What can I do to make him change? 

Let me answer that question for you.  NOTHING!!!!

Why does he would he change?  He has a mommy to take care of him and someone to have sex with.  He isn’t married so in his mind he can come and go as he pleases.  Why do you think he chose a competent woman?  He treats his mistress better, because he doesn’t see her every day and doesn’t have to take out the trash or help.

You want this situation to change.  I have 10 steps that should solve the problem. 

10.  Charge him rent.  A man needs to feel like a man.  I don’t care if he is a starving artist or trying to find himself.  Even 100.00 can help.  I bet he finds money for art supplies, beer, cigarettes.  If he doesn’t want to pay, he doesn’t stay.

9. You are not his mama.  Do not wash his clothes.  Set up a household schedule for chores.  Do not do his.  Hire a maid and make him pay half.  If he doesn’t want to do it or pay his share, then it either doesn’t get done or he leaves.

8.  Find your own stuff to do alone and go do it.  Do not call and tell him about it.  Be interesting and independent.  You make money.  Enjoy it.

7.  Do not have his baby and get on birth control.  Already pregnant, collect child support.  Set up times for him to watch the baby.  If he can’t work, he can be day care.  Do not stay with him because he knocked you up.

6.  Realize that being alone is not a bad thing.  Get educated and employed. 

5.  Have credit in your name. Do not put his name on your stuff.  He is not your husband.  If he is your husband, have some things in your name.  Do not lower yourself to ask for money.

4. Develop a support system and use it.  When it hits the fan, you need a place to go, a person to call, someone to borrow money from and a shoulder to cry on.

3.  If he cheats, get checked and do not sleep with him until he is cleared.  If you don’t want to leave, expect him to cheat again.  Either accept that he is a cheater or leave.  He will not change without counseling.  

2. Get help for yourself.  If he won’t go, go for yourself. If he bitches about you going, go anyway.  You don’t have to tell him that you are going.

  1.  If he hits you, leave.  Call 911 and have him arrested.  Look up narcissism as a personality disorder.  He will do what you allow him to do. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.  He has to learn the hard way.  Their is no excuse.  Real men don’t hit women.

Liberated women unite.  Having a partner is nice, but have a partner not just someone that lays around your house screwing you figuratively and literally.  Don’t move an unemployed man in your house. Don’t cosign for him.   There are planty of good men out there.  Don’t run from them and treat them like crap.

Let aspiring artists live in a commune with other artists, musicians and poets.  Some men are fun to play with, but you don’t keep them.  If he did it to her, he will do it to you. 

If any of this makes you feel uncomfortable, call the domestic abuse hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE.