Guns guns and more guns.

Before everyone starts threatening to kill me, I own a gun.  My Dad owns a gun.  No one in my family shoots up schools.  But I am also not a felon, a crack head or mentally deranged.  I do think we need to make guns harder to get, but that alone will not solve the problem.

NO ONE IS TRYING TO CONFISCATE YOUR GUN!!!

I have seen more shootings than I want to see.  We are not being killed by immigrants.  We are being killed from within.  As a mental health professional since 1993, I have seen many things and I understand why it is happening in schools.

1.)  The way we parent out children.  We don’t like to tell them no,  hurt their feelings, let them fail or not make the team.  We either smother, enable or helicopter.  So when they grow up and cannot function as an independent adult, life becomes a cruel and scary place.  The children have no coping skills.

2.)  Bullying and social media.  This falls back on parenting again.  We need to monitor the use of social media and know what our kids are doing. Violence in school starts out of school and continues into school. If your kid is a little punk ass bully, find out why and get help.  Maybe you taught him or her that.  Maybe he needs attention.  Maybe he needs you to take away his phone.

3.)  Understaffed and overworked school personnel.  25 to 30 kids in a classroom is not optimal for a learning environment.  We have few guidance counselors and social workers.  Too many kids slip through the cracks. They don’t have any one to talk to and the signs are missed.  We need to arm teachers with help not guns.  That means you might need to pay more in taxes to make the school secure.

4.)  Violent games and movies.  Parents once again ignore the ratings and parental controls and let 8 year olds play Grand Theft Auto.  God forbid the child not get what they want.  They see death and destruction, but the player comes back to life. Not real life people.  Guns can actually kill people forever.

5.)  Easy access to drugs and guns.  Many recent shootings the child accessed the parents gun.  Really you leave a loaded gun on the kitchen table while we cook dinner.  Buy a holster or at least lock it up to eat dinner.  Is ISIS going to run in while you eat?

6.)  Gun safety is not required to buy a gun.  You just get one.  You need to learn things for a conceal carry, but not to own a gun. To get a license to drive a car, we have to pass a written test, a vision test, have a learners for a few months and pass a driving test. Then we have to register the car and get insurance.  Why can’t we do that with a gun?  If you show you can’t drive, too many tickets, DUI, your privledge is taken away for awhile.  Why can’t we do that with guns? Okay you are suicidal right now, maybe you shouldn’t have weapons until you feel better.

7.)  People are just more violent now and are desensitized to it.  We lack empathy and caring for others.

8.)  We are more narcissistic than we used to be. We think we are entitled to get things and have to make people pay when we don’t. People haven’t learned they aren’t the center of the universe and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

9.)  Underfunded mental health.  If more people were insured, then more people can get help.  Therapy and psychiatric medciations cost money.  I can’t pay my rent on free care. I would like to but I can’t.  Medicaid might be an entitlement but it has become a safety concern now.

10.) We are too involved in the rhetoric and don’t listen to the other side.  So we can’t compromise as country and meet in the middle.  We are too busy pointing the finger at the other side.

11.) I fail to see the civilian purpose for an AR 15.  Also magazines and bump stocks are not in the constitution. I guess I can use it, when North Korea nukes us.

12.)  Apathy.

These kids in Parkland are our future.  How dare anyone criticize them for using the 1st Amendment?  They were traumatized beyond any way we will ever know or at least I hope I never know. This is how they chose to grieve.  They will take action.  They will not idly sit by and watch the adults fail. They were told to stay in class, (they were in class and got shot)  be quiet, take CPR, called commies, and we are now bullying the victims of gun violence.  See #2. That is really pathetic.  If you don’t like what they are saying, then don’t listen.  But you don’t threaten their lives.  Go back to # 10.

My daughter lives 10 miles from Parkland Fl.  She works at an architecture firm that remodels schools.  She has been in Marjory Stoneman High School.  She could have been there working that day.  She could have been gunned down at age 27.  I could have been sitting beside her in the hospital and have some politician or reporter come by to offer thoughts and prayers.  This would have been my answer:

My thoughts are that you get off your ass and fix the problems of this country that caused this to happen.  My prayer is that someone pays my daughters medical bills and that she doesn’t die.  If she dies I have nothing to lose.  You don’t want to mess with a mother with nothing to lose.  When you have nothing to lose, you petition, you march, you do sit ins, you write editorials, you mobilize voters, and you make phone calls.  You also lose your mind.  You seek revenge and justice. My prayer would be that you wouldn’t be in my way and my thoughts would not be about your feelings. 

The Bible says out of the mouth of Babes and little children shall lead them.  Matthew 18: 2-5. Isaiah 11:6. We are so fixated on six week old fetuses that we forget that they become children at Sandy Hook, teenagers at Columbine and Parkland, parishioners in Charleston, concert goers in Vegas, and constituents in Tucson. We can’t call ourselves pro life and love objects that take a life. No Jesus did not own a weapon.  He said turn the other cheek.  We call ourselves a Christian nation and yet the phrase love one another and forgive are not quoted.

We are fixated on who Donald Trump slept with and not that he played golf days after a mass shooting.  We are fixated on salacious news and  don’t turn the news when they verbally attack children.  We are fixated on gossip and We dont condemn politicians for calling children lesbians and commies.  We don’t change the channel at commentators that make stuff up.  These kids are seeing all of this and registering to vote.  They will change the world in 10 years and I am grateful.

Now let me make sure my Glock is put away safe.

 

 

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Accusations

How often do you put up with something before you leave?  How long do you let something go before you complain about it?  What level do you complain to someone high up?

The scenario.  I had a client call the EAP over four months from the visit.  They alleged that I spent the entire session on the phone.  Who would sit in a session for an hour while someone was on the phone?  Why wait four months to complain about it?  The whole thing of suspect from the beginning. My word against hers.  I have answered the phone during a session, but I usually do not.  After hours you don’t have a secretary, and a client could be in crisis.  The next client could be calling for directions.

So now I hang in the balance and could be kicked off the panel on the word of one person.  I even sent a letter to her about why I hadn’t seen her in awhile. Why would I do that if I had been on the phone for an hour?

I shouldn’t let this bother me.  My practice has seen almost 128 clients in a year with no compalints.  128 vs. 1.  Do counselors get the benefit of the doubt?

First page of my novel

I finally have started my novel on my career as a therapist.  I will post exercpts from time to time and hope you will critique it.  I will try to be as honest as possible without giving away any client privledged information.  I also will shed light on various diagnosis, failed treatments, modalities.  I hope to have me grow as a person and learn as I write.  Many people go into this field wanting to save the world.  They have no clue.  The textbooks do not tell you about assessments in the hood, walking the park to engage the homeless, going into homes to look after children,  watching people detox,  doing therapy in a soup kitchen and jail.  It is a journey for me and for my clients. I also apologize to my first clients that I learned with and hope they got better anyway.

And don’t get me started on insurance billing.  They don’t touch that.

A to Z coping strategy

Diane Webb fellow blogger suggests using each letter of the alphabet to list something you are grateful for right now.  My list.

A- applesauce

B- Bella and Be Be my dogs and Beverly my daughter

C- church

D- David my Dad and David my husband ( 2 people)

E- electricity

F- French fried

G-gladiolas

H- the Hauers my new family

I- ice cream (duh)

J- jelly

K- klutzs

L- Lauren

M- music

N- noise (it means I can hear)

O- oolong tea

P- pizza

Q- questions

R- rest

S- salvation

T- teachers

U- universal love

V-Virginia my state

W- words

X- extraordinary life

Y- yarn to knit

Z- zest for living

You try it.